James Joyce = Lisp. Why limit yourself to a fixed set of grammatical constructs? Invent new ones, different for every chapter or even paragraph, then express yourself in a language of your own devising. Stunningly beautiful, but often incomprehensible.

Gabriel Garcia Marquez = Python. The meaning of words is more a matter of convention than rule, and can vary depending on the context in which they are used. It is common to dynamically redefine symbols, or overload existing ones to add additional meanings.

Hemingway = Basic. Astonishingly powerful, despite (or perhaps because of?) the avoidance of complex abstraction and preference for short expressions using simple monosyllabic operators.

Dickens = Cobol. Centuries old, but still popular enough that people are willing to wade through the truly ridiculous number of words needed to express even the most straightforward concepts.

Danielle Steele = HTML. Immensely popular, everyone thinks they can do, difficult to do well. Addresses a broad swath of prurient interests.