A practical Valentine's Day gift

Roses say, "My love for you is fleeting and high-maintenance, and I require daily tending-to or I'll wilt". Chocolate says, "I melt in your mouth, yielding to even the weakest challenges, and what little backbone and fortitude I have is made out of delicious, creamy nougat." A card says, "Our relationship exists solely on the basis of meaningless $3.50 platitudes sold at convenience stores and drug-marts."

Give them Distilled Brilliance coupons instead and treat your baby right.