Triple X.

I''m going to see that movie just to spite you.

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Original post by munkie this makes Battlefield: Earth seem like the smartest movie of all time.

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Good lord. That''s bad.

You know you''re a programmer when your computer is like family. When it''s more like a lover, you need help.

You don't know the half of it. I am really not joking. I thought Battlefield: Earth was the epitome of stupid. But this easily, easily takes the cake. I mean with flying colors.

I could shoot myself for spending $8.00 to waste 2 hours of my life seeing this brainless, plotless, poorly choreographed trash.

Everyone says summer films are mindless explosions...this isn't even close. Not even close. The action sequences are so unfathomably DUMB that you will either laugh hysterically, or drive your head through the seat in front of you.

[edited by - munkie on August 11, 2002 11:40:06 PM]

Uhm, I thought it was damn good! I mean it was of course not exactly the most realistic movie haha, but it was damn entertaining. And we had fun making fun of the "Russians." They had really bad American accents. And they said funny things.

For example: One guy said "Zaraza!" like it was a really strong curse. Zaraza is about the equivalent of "gosh darnit!"

It was very entertaining I thought.

-=Lohrno

Oh yeah don''t forget. Battlefield: Earth was based on the book. The book is written by L. Ron Hubbard...

If you knew who that was you wouldn''t have wasted your time with the movie in the first place.

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L. Ron Hubbard==Scientology
John travolta==Scientology... hmmmm

Andrew Nguyen = Scientology (!)

I happened to think xXx was good for a cliché action movie. I like Vin Diesel, but not for the same fruity reasons that Andrew does. I saw him (Vin Diesel) last week on The Tonight Show and he seems like a really down to earth guy, instead of the usual high and mighty Hollywood bullshit that we''re so used to seeing.

"If people are good only because they fear punishment and hope for reward, then we are a sorry lot indeed." - Albert Einstein

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Original post by nes8bit
Oh yeah don''t forget. Battlefield: Earth was based on the book. The book is written by L. Ron Hubbard...

If you knew who that was you wouldn''t have wasted your time with the movie in the first place.

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I wish I saw the movie before reading the book; likewise - a waste of time.

I''m not gonna see it because I know it''ll be either like or worse than Fast and the Furious, which I thought was absolutely horrible. I don''t get why everyone around me was like, "d00d, fAsT & Furius is a l33t moovie dat r0xx0rs ur b0xx0rs!" I can''t stand horrible acting in movies, not to mention cliched, pointless action sequences.

Yeah, well I was fortunate enough to know who L. Ron Hubbard was before I read the book. I only wish I was fortunate enough to know who he was before I walked into his museum.

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well the title alone should have told you how bad the movie was.
then the trailer ya jumping out of a car with a parachuite showing mind you, hell even james bond wouldnt even be showing you he had the parachute on.

It''s not so bad if you want to see fairly interesting stunts without the distraction of, say, a plotline. Then again I only paid $4 to go.

Was it just me or was the bad guy really, really random? It was like the script writer said "oh, dang. He hasn''t done anything really evil in a while. Quick, do something evil."

The thing that confused me, though, was why their submarine never actually went underwater. It spent the whole time hydroplaning. Here I thought the "sub" part of "submarine" kind of indicated it would go under the water, at some point. But that''s just me.

-fel

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Original post by BitBlt
I'm not gonna see it because I know it'll be either like or worse than Fast and the Furious, which I thought was absolutely horrible. I don't get why everyone around me was like, "d00d, fAsT & Furius is a l33t moovie dat r0xx0rs ur b0xx0rs!" I can't stand horrible acting in movies, not to mention cliched, pointless action sequences.

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I don't know, for me it depends of course.
I really like Jackie Chan as an action guy. But he can't really act. However, he's not as horrible an actor as say...Julia Roberts, or Steven Seagal. However, he's an ACTION star, not really an actor. As long as you keep that in mind, and can just go "Oooh! Cool!" Then I think you can enjoy Jackie Chan movies correctly.

I didn't see the Fast and the Furious (I don't know, it didn't look good...) but I thought xXx was in fact pretty good. The acting was not of the Robert DeNiro class obviously...but I thought it wasn't a bad action movie.

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Original post by Felisandria
The thing that confused me, though, was why their submarine never actually went underwater. It spent the whole time hydroplaning. Here I thought the "sub" part of "submarine" kind of indicated it would go under the water, at some point. But that's just me.

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Yeah...that's called lazy screenwriting I think.
er...either that, or you could try and explain it like this:
The submarine is so high tech, that to reach an extremely fast speed which it can not underwater, it hydroplanes until it launches the first missle...At which point, after having fired, it would have submerged and gone to a different target. Although if that was the case they should have explained that. =P

BTW it seems like there was a xXx comic book?! I'm not sure about that. The movie at least seemed a lot like one.

-=Lohrno

[edited by - Lohrno on August 12, 2002 2:00:01 PM]

Please. Good action sequences? This took the stupid movie formula cliche to uncharted levels.

I love how TripleX can make any motorcycle he''s on magically bounce 30 feet into the air, such as during the Colombian drug scene (totally random..doesn''t even make sense). There wasn''t even a ramp, but he was able to simply jump and clear a barbed fence, and launch himself into the air over a tower and knock out a guard. And gotta love how there was a conveniently placed large ramp to the side of a large barn, just waiting for TripleX to do some pointless, insane leap of death over.

I also like the Colombian military''s choice of words during field combat.. "There''s the drug lord! Let''s get him!" and "We toasted his ass!". Wow..just wow.

Most movies make the NSA seem so bogus and plastic that you can''t even fathom the existence. This movie does it worse. I love how the NSA headquarters is full of incredibly large plasma monitors everywhere filled with 3D graphics rotating and spinning around that serve absolutely no purpose..

Don''t you just love the NSA guys too? Samuel Jackson''s part was hideous. Listen to his lines. He talks about lions in zoos and the "glare" (OMFG! the glare! waaatch out!!! ), and of course, just like any NSA guy would, when he wants to meet up with one of his spies, he arranges a kidnapping! And where would he bring his spy? Not an NSA headquarters, no, that would be too un-cool, he has to bring him to an opera! Yep.

The script was disgusting. A child could have written something better. I particularily loved TripleX''s line that went something like "Maybe you could chisel some ice off your heart, if you could find it", or "Maybe I''ll spend a few extra bucks and send you to charm school". CHARM SCHOOL, FOLKS . You have got to be KIDDING ME.

Then there''s the other pointless action scenes. Vin Diesel decides he needs to get to a communications tower and dispose of it. Sure, but instead of doing the logical thing, like fire a heat seeking rocket from a far, safe distance, he''ll just parachute and snowboard the mountain down toward it! But it would be too sensical to simply parachute completely toward the tower itself..no..TripleX super athlete has to snowboard half of the mountain, causing an avalanche! And this super hero is so superdelic, he can snowboard faster than an avalanche! Faster than snow-ski''s, which are basically snowboards with ENGINES . Wow, this guy is amazing!

The entire movie is like one large commercial too. How many times can they possibly show people drinking Pepsi? And I love how the camera zooms in and sits looking at a Kodak camera for like 5 seconds (when the girl is taking pictures of the thing in the ground). Or when they show her Sony Vaio laptop, which is so super-advanced that it can hack into these top secret databases. And even better? The little sticker on the monitor, saying "POWERED BY MICROSOFT WINDOWS ." In fact, I think it might have even been Windows 95. If they''re going to advertise crap to us, at least do it subtley, or subliminally. Not blatantly.

More good lines from the movie.."You''ve JuSt ENT0Rd TeH XaNdER ZoNE!". Oh man, I wish I was in the Xander Zone, it sounds so k-rad elite!

To be fair, he set off an explosion to make an avalanche on purpose, for the express reason of taking out the communications base... with the avalanche. Though I''ll give you the part where anybody who sets off an avalanche and then decides that snowboarding in front of it might be fun is basically an idiot. In fact, my husband and I looked at each other after that part and simultaneously said "That was stupid."

I said the stunts were interesting. Didn''t say they were realistic. I like it when cars and computers blow up for no good reason also, because explosions are cool.

Oh... and to clarify on the submarine... I should have said the submarine never went underwater *on purpose*. Granted, it did eventually go underwater, but, the minute it *did* get underwater, it blew up. This apparently indicates that Russian scientists are good at biological weapons, and bad at submarines.

Is it just me, or is Anarchy 99 just about the most cliche name for an organization of bad guys possible? It sounds like a Tribes 2 gaming guild put together by 12 year olds. I swear.

-fel

The whole submarine idea is just stupid. Why spend billions on some advanced solar powered submarine to do nothing more than fire a few rockets out..it''s retarded..

Why can''t the evil guy just slap the rockets into some random buildings scattered across the cities and detonate them from a safe distance..

Oh, I know why, because then TripleX couldn''t show off some stupid, mindless, extreme sport stunt!

The Anarchy99 leader''s big plan was that cities would be destroyed anonymously, the world wouldn''t know who was doing it, so they''d attack each other and wipe all governments out. Are you kidding me? I can picture maybe a 5 year old actually believing this plan, and maybe a 9 year old coming up with it.

First off, TripleX informed the NSA about the submarine and its purpose long before the bad dude even launched it. Therefore, if even one city was killed, the NSA would simply alert everyone there is a submarine on the loose, and every damned naval fleet in the world could be dispatched to stop it. And that wouldn''t be much of a task. The chemicals become worthless when exposed to deep water, so one well placed torpedo would completely put the freaking thing out of its misery.

So even if TripleX didn''t save the city in time, the Anarchy99''s major plans wouldn''t have even worked. It would still have all been in vain. I guess the movie producers were too busy with making TripleX do supermans on his motorcycles to realize this.

Oh, another great convenience! The Anarchy99 leader praises the submarine as one of the most advanced thing ever. Yep, this thing can cause unthinkable levels of global damage. So of course, this top secret ultra-evil weapon will have its start/stop mechanism on TOP of it, enclosed by a cheap, unlocked, glass door.

I guess Anarchy99 never expected someone to actually stand on it and open the door. No, that would be one of the last things someone would do!

You''d think with all of their precautionary measures they would have at least put a frigging lock on the door hatch to the submarine, to stop people like TripleX from opening it and stopping the submarine. But..nope.

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Original post by munkie
Oh, I know why, because then TripleX couldn''t show off some stupid, mindless, extreme sport stunt!

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Exactly.

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You''d think with all of their precautionary measures they would have at least put a frigging lock on the door hatch to the submarine, to stop people like TripleX from opening it and stopping the submarine. But..nope.

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Well, when you''re a big bad evil dude, you can put a lock on your own submarine.

Sorry you didn''t like the movie, and I can see why really. So what movie are you looking forward to seeing now? =D

-=Lohrno

Did anyone else hear a smattering of audience snickers when the guy said "solar powered submarine"?

It made a little more sense when you came to realize that the "sub" part of the "submarine" designation was purely ornamental, granted.

What the heck was with calling it Ahab? Pick random tragic character from classic literature? *blink* I shall name my evil submarine... HAMLET!

-fel

I couldn''t help it either. =D

It sounded like a polish joke somehow...

-=Lohrno