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Funny Quotes

Started by antibubble man Apr 21, 2003 at 9:29 PM 11 replies 600+ views
Original Post
antibubble man
antibubble man
Just post funny quotes that you have seen or heard here... Why can''t the bus have cable? Oh, I know what your problem is... you are an idiot! and so on... have fun
Tech Support: "I need you to boot the computer." Customer: (THUMP! Pause.) "No, that didn't help."
TSwitch
TSwitch
Not so much a quote as a thing I heard...

A good way of reducing large amounts of potential employees by HR people is to take their resumes and put them in a big pile, shuffle it then throw away half of it. That way you won''t hire any unlucky people.
Member of the Unban nes8bit or the White Rhino in my Basement Gets Sold to the Highest Bidder Association (UNWRBGSHBA - Not accepting new members.)Member of the I'm Glad Mithrandir Finally Found an Association that Accepts People with his Past History Association (IGMFFAAPPHA)
Xtremehobo
Xtremehobo
"your opinion is wrong"... forgot where I heard that
pixelwrench.com | [email="matt[nospam]@pixelwrench[nospam]com"]email[/email] lethalhamster: gamedev keeps taking my money, but im too lazy to not let them
Tron3k
Tron3k
I guess this is a good time to bring this up ...

Where did "OH TEH NOS" come from?

I assumed it means "Oh no", but basically it''s saying: Oh The "No"s. Is this how the evolution went?

Oh, no!
OH NO!
OH NOS!!!
OH THE NOS!!!
OH TEH NOS!!!
OH TEH NOS!!!!111~~~~
0H TEH NSO!!!1131`J
HO HET SON!!!!
YO BET SON!!!!
YOU BET SON!!!!

Oh wait, it hasn''t got that far yet. But it will, you mark my words ...
“[The clergy] believe that any portion of power confided to me, will be exerted in opposition to their schemes. And they believe rightly: for I have sworn upon the altar of God, eternal hostility against every form of tyranny over the mind of man” - Thomas Jefferson
LockePick
LockePick
The president of the United States should command all of his citizens to walk directly into the ocean and not stop. This would do us all a world of good, as anyone stupid enough to follow his orders would be dead.
andromeda
andromeda
Rincewind had been generally reckoned by his tutors to be a natural wizard in the same way that fish are natural mountaineers.

- Terry Pratchett "The Light Fantastic"


And my sig.


------------------
God moves in extremely mysterious, not to say, circuitous ways. God does not play dice with the universe; He plays an ineffable game of His own devising, which might be compared, from the perspective of any other players (i.e., everybody) to being involved in an obscure and complex version of poker in a pitch-dark room, with blank cards, for infinite stakes, with a Dealer who won''t tell you the rules, and who SMILES ALL THE TIME.

-from "Good Omens" by Neil Gaiman and Terry Pratchett
Drevay
Drevay
"Then again, let''s not go to Camalot, it tis a silly place." -Money Python - QFTHG

"Come back here you yellow bellied pansy! I''ll bite your legs off!!!" -Monty Python - QFTHG

"Listen to my outRAAAGeous accent!" -Monty Python - GFTHG

"Get on with it!!" -Monty Python - QFTHG

"We are no longer the knights who say KNI, but we are now the nights who say ikki-ikki-ikki-bubowowowowowweeee-eeeeah!" -Monty Python - QFTHG


DigiCode - My solo company in progress.
_________________Politics is the ability to foretell what is going to happen tomorrow, next week, next month and next year. And to have the ability afterwards to explain why it didn't happen. -- Winston ChurchillGDNet-0.2 - rate users the easy way with this nifty Firefox extension. Updated with new features.
LuckyNewbie
LuckyNewbie
General Jack D. Ripper: Mandrake?

Group Capt. Lionel Mandrake: Yes, Jack?

General Jack D. Ripper: Have you ever seen a Commie drink a glass of water?

Group Capt. Lionel Mandrake: Well, I can't say I have.

General Jack D. Ripper: Vodka, that's what they drink, isn't it? Never water?

Group Capt. Lionel Mandrake: Well, I-I believe that's what they drink, Jack, yes.

General Jack D. Ripper: On no account will a Commie ever drink water, and not without good reason.

Group Capt. Lionel Mandrake: Oh, eh, yes. I, hmm, can't quite see what you're getting at, Jack.

General Jack D. Ripper: Water, that's what I'm getting at, water. Mandrake, water is the source of all life. Seven-tenths of this earth's surface is water. Why, do you realize that seventy percent of you is water?

Group Capt. Lionel Mandrake: Uh, uh, Good Lord!

General Jack D. Ripper: And as human beings, you and I need fresh, pure water to replenish our precious bodily fluids.

Group Capt. Lionel Mandrake: Yes. (He begins to chuckle nervously)

General Jack D. Ripper: Are you beginning to understand?

Group Capt. Lionel Mandrake: Yes. (More laughter)

General Jack D. Ripper: Mandrake. Mandrake, have you never wondered why I drink only distilled water, or rainwater, and only pure-grain alcohol?

Group Capt. Lionel Mandrake: Well, it did occur to me, Jack, yes.

General Jack D. Ripper: Have you ever heard of a thing called fluoridation. Fluoridation of water?

Group Capt. Lionel Mandrake: Uh? Yes, II have heard of that, Jack, yes. Yes.

General Jack D. Ripper: Well, do you know what it is?

Group Capt. Lionel Mandrake: No, no I don't know what it is, no.

General Jack D. Ripper: Do you realize that fluoridation is the most monstrously conceived and dangerous Communist plot we have ever had to face?


[edited by - LuckyNewbie on April 21, 2003 12:36:16 AM]
"Let me just ejaculate some ideas"
CWizard
CWizard
Oh, is it that time of the month again?

"It is hard enough to remember my opinions, without also remembering my reasons for them!" - Friedrich Nietzsche

"Insanity in individuals is something rare - but in groups, parties, nations and epochs, it is the rule." - Friedrich Nietzsche

''If a man is talking in the forest, and there is no woman there to hear him, is he still wrong?'' - George Carlin

"Gambling, like the lottery, is a tax on people who are bad at math." - felisandria?


Tooko
Tooko
"The voices tell me I''m sane.."

I don''t have a signature, sorry.
the future is just like the past, just later. - TANSTAAFL
reaptide
reaptide
"Remember! Your the monkey and I''m the cheese grater, so no fooling around!" - Cannot recall author
kordova
kordova
"I''m sorry...(walks across long room and gets into others face)..did I interrupt your conversation again?"

My physics teacher to some chatty bitch.


Wow.

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