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Feeling Pointless

Started by Gaudeamus May 12, 2003 at 5:43 PM 11 replies 2.8k views
Original Post
Gaudeamus
Gaudeamus
My second year at university has nearly elapsed and here I sit, feeling pointless. I've spent all my life dreaming about doing hundreds of different things, from travel writing to acting to designing games. I've seen a lot in my lifetime, visited Europe, been on movie sets and played deathmatch rounds of Goldeneye with the Exec's of Nintendo of America, yet I feel pointless. My degree that I am pursuing, Creative Writing, lends itself to many different fields, but I've found that I have no specialties, merely "knowledge" of many things. I am okay at drafting, have dabbled in 3D modeling, played clarinet for 10 years, guitar for 5, I have been designer editor of my high schools yearbook, designed logo's for companies, acted in plays, written stories, took video game programming classes and made an instructional video to a 3D modeling printer. I guess I'm what you call a "jack-of-all-trades-that-have-to-pertain-to-technical/creative-endeavours" type. I'm not the best in school, namely because tests aren't my strong point...maybe thats why I'm restricted to the humanities as my major, I enjoy math and the sciences, given time to figure out problems and have a correct answer, but when given 50 minutes to solve inverse quadradics (or whatever they are), I feel too much pressure and forget everything. Thats what I hate about academics, if you have a problem you can't solve at work, you go and ask someone or you look up a solution, you aren't restricted and you can't cheat. Technical degree's teach to tests and memorization, both of which as stated earlier I'm not the best at. I want to be good at school, and I want to be in something technical because it facinates me and I want to bring my creative side into the technical realm...but due to academic standards, I cannot, simply because people believe everyone can solve algorithms in 2 minutes, whereas the majority of people can't. I'm stuck with a degree on the liberal arts side of things, nothing is wrong with this, but its just not where I want to be. I suppose me taking this creative writing specialization will help me get a job where technology MIGHT be involved, but even with something like Technical Writing, I'd most likely have to take a few math and programming courses, classes that I've tried but have had to drop. So here I am, a prisoner of a standarized society, where quick heads and instant gratification are the desires of all. If only people took the time to see the people like myself, who can solve problems, who can do fractions and program API's, and who can create beautiful artwork, but just need a little bit more time to do, then perhaps we'd be a bit better off. I know I would feel a lot more happy with myself, not feeling like a failure because society says 50 minutes is all you need. [edited by - Gaudeamus on May 12, 2003 6:45:06 PM]
Tyro
Tyro
take alot of practice test, you''ll get better at it.
and if you get experience in solving many many many varieties of mathematical and physics problems, ive heard rumors that you can get quite efficient at solving them
Tyro
Tyro
practice test from like.. books i guess
omegasyphon
omegasyphon
hehe, when ever i see a post longer then a paragraph i generally skip it. It''s not that im not interested, but i feel that you overwelm the user with too much information that is not needed for the most part. tho im feeling the same as you are. im in my 6th year of college and stuck spinning my wheels not really getting anywhere in life.
MrPoopypants
MrPoopypants
NEW INVENTION ALLOWS HUMANS TO DIE INSTANTLY <-- Im sure you can find ads for that somewhere on gdev.net

try that....
(0110101101000110)The Murphy Philosophy: Smile . . . tomorrow will be worse.
Gaudeamus
Gaudeamus
quote:
Original post by mittens
... Anyone else look at posts and just say "Wow, that''s too damn long?"


A perfect example (in a certain light) of instant gratification, if it can''t be taken in within 5 seconds, its not worth your time. Not singling Trent out, I know he''s a cool guy from seeing him on the forums and chat, but that really does proove my point.
squirrel_of_death
squirrel_of_death
damn right. Gaudeamus, you don''t home in on any specific area / genre / skill that you consider the most interesting / exciting. Maybe you should start by considering your dreams and ambitions, and organize your study and creative abilities towards a real specific goal. Absolutely, nothing happens overnight, but make a long term plan, and the best thing about it will be slowly realizing a dream. The worst thing in the world must be waking up at 40 going ''oh god, what have I done with my life?''. Get going, there''s no time to lose!
[the Book of Bob]
Argus
Argus
Gaud - sounds like you have all the skills at hand to produce a game demo all by yourself. Why don''t you, when so many others are lacking in many of the skills required?
Gaudeamus
Gaudeamus
quote:
Original post by Argus
Gaud - sounds like you have all the skills at hand to produce a game demo all by yourself. Why don't you, when so many others are lacking in many of the skills required?


The funny thing is Argus, is that I'm the exact type of person that wants to do everything myself for fear of someone getting it wrong or misinterpreting it, so making a demo myself would be great, I just need to work a bit on programming. I have Visual Studio .net Academic 2002 Version, Adobe Photoshop Elements and gmax, so I suppose I could in theory make a mod all by myself, lol...would be interesting, I've had a few ideas but I'm afraid to start up a mod team for fear of deviation from the intended outcome.

And in regards to squirrel_of_death's reply, one of my problems is that I have too many goals and ambitions, lol...I see myself producing a game, writing the script, designing game manuals, writing the music and doing the programming...I can't do it all like you used to when smash hits were made in the basements of houses, I need a team to make a game that people will even pretend to show interest in.

I'm living a catch-22, lol...

[edited by - Gaudeamus on May 12, 2003 11:13:15 PM]
squirrel_of_death
squirrel_of_death
good luck man! Maybe you should get into reading a lot of philosophy and religion, so you can find a better perspective on things. With so many abilities, it is hardest to choose any one thing. It is also depressing, to think that any one choice is a sacrifice of the others. You should look for an achievable synthesis of your talents, that you can turn into the software industry.
[the Book of Bob]
Witchcraven
Witchcraven
Maybe the software industry isnt your thing. Here''s a thought:

perhaps your materialism is conflicting with your passion.

If you have no idea what I mean by that, it doesnt really matter. If you get it really quickly, then think about it harder.
--------------------------I present for tribute this haiku:Inane Ravings OfThe Haunting JubilationA Mad Engineer©Copyright 2005 ExtrariusAll Rights Reserved
Argus
Argus
Gaud - heh, you sound just like me. I want to create exactly my vision of a game, and that means I have to do everything myself. The programming part I''m ok with, but my graphics are terrible.

Essentially you could design the whole game, with art, and then figure out what you need to program and start learning about that/ask questions on the appropriate forums.

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