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primitive humor.

Started by choffstein Sep 27, 2004 at 9:16 PM 21 replies 7k views

Original Post

choffstein

117

choffstein

Sep 27, 2004 at 9:16 PM

My friend sent me these. I figured maybe people would like them.


(char *) <-- cast of characters
long wang;
struct by-lightning{};
void *where_prohibited;
double entendre;
union jack{};
double or_nothing;
short sighted;

yep...he was a little tired... Also, my title was a joke within itself. Actually, I guess not all of those were primitives...oh well. Can anyone think of any other good ones?

Bossk

120

Bossk

Sep 27, 2004 at 9:18 PM

Clever, but I wouldn't say funny.

Your thread title is deceiving. :(

EDIT: OMG YUO EDITED YUOR THREAD TITLE MAKING MY POST INVALID.

choffstein

Author

117

choffstein

Sep 27, 2004 at 9:24 PM

I know...I totally did. But Shhh, dont tell anyone ;)

23yrold3yrold

187

23yrold3yrold

Sep 27, 2004 at 9:28 PM

struct ComputerContractor {    double   salary;    long     lunches;    float    jobs;    char     unstable;    void     work;    int      hiring_him_again;    const    pain_in_the_backside;    unsigned agreement;    short    fuse;    volatile personality;    static   progress; };/* and there are no unions in sight */

doogle

Sep 27, 2004 at 9:28 PM

I thought this was gonna be a thread about that stuipd Java joke... I can't remember how it goes.

CpMan

Sep 27, 2004 at 9:29 PM

int terrogate;
string emup;
class action {};

CpMan

Sep 27, 2004 at 9:31 PM

Quote:
Original post by 23yrold3yrold
*** Source Snippet Removed ***

But that wasn't legal ;D

codemonster

Sep 27, 2004 at 9:44 PM

Quote:
Original post by doogle
I thought this was gonna be a thread about that stuipd Java joke... I can't remember how it goes.

master google says:

Session Bean walks into a bar and asks for a Jack Daniels on the rocks...bartender says "I'm afraid I can't serve you any alcohol", and the Session Bean says, "why not ? Are you discriminating against Session Beans ?" and the bartender replies "well, look at the state you're in".

A bunch of 17 year olds - ClassCast, IllegalArgument and ArrayOutOfBounds - decide to chance their arm, and try and get served at the bar. The Bartender takes one look at them, and asks them for ID. ClassCast hands over his fake ID, IllegalArgument hands over his brother Throwable's ID, but ArrayOutOfBounds doesn't have any fake ID. The Bartender says "Sorry guys, you'll have to leave unless I can see some ID". ClassCast pleads with the barman "can't you just bend the rules for us ?" and the barman says "Sorry, no Exceptions".

A LinkedList walks into a bar frequented by Vectors, and says to the barman "I'll take a Jack Daniels, on the rocks", and the bartender says "Sorry, we don't serve your type here"

9:00 AM
Project manager: " Where is Joe?"
Java programmer A: " You know he is always lazy loadded."

1:00 PM:
Project manager: " Where is Joe??"
Java programmer B: " He is in passive mode."

5:30 PM:
Project manager: " Could I see Joe in rest of my life ?????"
Java programmer C: "Never, he has been garbage collected."

Two session beans in love are sitting cuddled close together:
"Oh Jarling, my Singleon!", the female session bean exclaims.
"Let's go Home and Make love.", the male session bean replies.
"But we can't", the female session bean says. "I don't want to create() new() instances."
"Don't worry" the male session bean replies with a smile. "My constructor is protected."

Two female entity beans are talking at the bar:
"Hey, have you seen that handsome session bean at the other end of the bar.", the first entity bean says.
The second one, known for being cynical, replies:
"He's probably just a cute Facade and no Content. Besides, he can't keep up a conversation. He's stateless."

Two ints and a Float in a bar. They spot an attractive Double on her own. The first int walks up to her. "Hey, baby", he says, "my VM or yours". She slaps him and he walks back dejected.
The second int walks over. "Hey, cute-stuff, can I cook you Beans for breakfast". After a quick slapping, he too walks back.
The Float then ambles over casually. "Were those two primitive types bothering you?", he remarks.
"Yes. I'm so glad you're here", she says. "They just had no Class!"

aftermath

Sep 27, 2004 at 9:44 PM

http://www.gnu.org/fun/jokes/dna.html

codemonster

Sep 27, 2004 at 9:49 PM

it seems that master google is quite communicative and in a good mood tonight:

A boolean passes a friend in the hall, who notes he looks quite depressed. The friend vaguely recalls a recent family tragedy and asks, "Hey, is it true your parents died last week in a Garbage Collection accident?" The boolean replies, "Yeah, and now I've got no place to live, either." The friend is shocked, and asks, "But weren't you in their will?" The boolean sighs and says, "Nope, no will, no inheritance..."

PrivateKey knows that GeneralSecurityException is reviewing a List of soldiers in the Area for the SecurityManager position. Thinking highly of his Attributes, he makes a RemoteCall to an AccessController friend of his to check the job search CompletionStatus. His friend pulls his File, and sadly reports, "Sorry, but you didn't get it." The soldier is upset, and says, "But I had JobPriority!". His friend says, "Well, it says here you had a WeakReference..."

A Timer was at a ScrollBar and noticed a particular Button was quite Observable. He walks up to her and says, "Hey, there, can I schedule a Date with you?" She replies, "OK, but I'm sure I'd have to cancel..."

A customer is chatting with Mr. Key, owner of KeyStore, when Mr. Key suddenly collapses. Another customer who is a doctor rushes over to check while another calls 911. The customers ask the doctor what happened, and he replies, "Well, when I lift up any BodyPart on this side it's totally limp, so I'd guess he had a KeyStroke..."

A TableModel, ListModel, and ColorModel are being photographed for the fall catalog, but the ListModel keeps giving RenderingHints to the photographer. Exasperated, the photographer calls up ListModel's boss and says, "She's driving me crazy - I can't do my PrintJob like this!" The boss tells him to put her on. She immediately starts whining, "I'm not a Robot or some MenuItem, and he doesn't care about my Image!" To that, the boss replies, "Look, you made your Point, so don't get all bent out of Shape. Just be Adjustable and have a more open Dialog with him. And don't forget that you're not the LayoutManager..."

News Report: "A Java programmer in Silicon Valley was detained for quesitoning yesterday on an anonymous tip that he was using a Hashtable..."

A Double is dating an int, and she decides to break it off. This thows him for a loop, and when he regains his composure he asks why. She replies, "You're always so selfish - it's always i this, and i that..."

codemonster

Sep 27, 2004 at 10:00 PM

 byte me; long john_silver; char broiled; string cheese; float valve; double jeopardy; struct by_lightning { ... }; Object strongly; String cheese; Exception taken; Graphics ex; // XXX long walk(short pier) { } // from the MrBunny Java book int eger; // ...completing what the designers of the language left out char acter; bool ean; class Brick implements Throwable { } class Marathon implements Runnable { } class Novel implements Serializable { } class Human implements Cloneable { } Fun(key) %% funky! G$ /* Following was seen in the required (at least until 3.8 or so) constructor for a JUnit TestCase.  * Many words or parts of words can be substituted for man as the variable name for hours of amusement.  * The shortest that makes sense is just "b".  */ public MyTestCase(String man) {super(man); } throw (fit | up | something);

source: Programming Puns

also nice: Funny Things Seen In Source Code And Documentation

ok, i'd better stop now. i feel like i'm killing this thread slowly. sorry for the uncontrolled spamming... [embarrass]

BiGF00T

Sep 27, 2004 at 10:11 PM

if you can laugh about this jokes then you know its time that you go out and meet non-geeks face to face... too much coding can be bad for your mental health... it also can be really strange if you only have students as friends because after a while you begin just to make this type of jokes which no one understands who doesnt have the same education in this branch of study. after a while you become more and more incompatible with the "normal" ppl.