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lol

Started by vNistelrooy Jan 1, 2005 at 12:37 PM 8 replies 1.4k views
Original Post
vNistelrooy
vNistelrooy
Someone has emailed me this joke today:
Quote:
A guy dials his home and a strange woman answers. The guy says, "Who is this?" "This is the maid" answers the woman. "We don't have a maid," says the man. The woman says, "I was hired this morning by the lady of the house." The man says, "Well, this is her husband. Is she there?" The woman replies, "She is upstairs in the bed room with someone who I figured was her husband." The guy is fuming and says to the maid, "Listen, would you like to make $50,000?" The maid says, "What will I have to do?" The man tells her, "I want you to get my gun from the desk, and shoot the bitch and the jerk she's with." The maid puts the phone down. The man hears footsteps and then two gun shots. The maid comes back to the phone, "What do I do with the bodies?" The man says, "Throw them in the swimming pool." Puzzled, the maid answers, "But you don't have a pool." A long pause and the man says, "Is this 512-7168?"
"C lets you shoot yourself in the foot rather easily. C++ allows you to reuse the bullet!"
TravelingCoder
TravelingCoder
That reminds me of the joke about the two hunters in the woods.
And Dave did see the ad of penis enlargement, and gazing upon His holy manhood, He did thrust the spam into the firey depths of hell.- Book of Dave, 1:7
Densun
Densun
I saw that punchline coming from the middle of the joke.
Funkymunky
Funkymunky
Quote:
Original post by mtw
I saw that punchline coming from the middle of the joke.


Wow aren't you special. Thanks for sharing.

I got a laugh out of it, thanks bro!
boolean
boolean
From Ebaums world:

Bill worked in a pickle factory. He had been employed there for a number of years when he came home one day to confess to his wife that he had a terrible compulsion. He had an urge to stick his penis into the pickle slicer. His wife suggested that he should see a sex therapist to talk about it, but Bill said he would be too embarrassed. He vowed to overcome the compulsion on his own.

One day a few weeks later, Bill came home. His wife could see at once that something was seriously wrong. "What's wrong, Bill?" she asked. "Do you remember that I told you how I had this tremendous urge to put my penis into the pickle slicer?" "Oh, Bill, you didn't." "Yes, I did." "My God, Bill, what happened?" "I got fired." "No, Bill. I mean, what happened with the pickle slicer?" "Oh... she got fired too."
Boris Karloff
Boris Karloff
I saw that one as a small sketch some time. Made me giggle. Same as the pickle slicer one.

Quote:
Original post by TravelingCoder
That reminds me of the joke about the two hunters in the woods.


Not a clue how that one goes, but "hunters in the woods" reminds me of this one:

A Russian scientist and a Czechoslovakian scientist had spent their lives studying the grizzly bear. Each year they petitioned their respective governments to allow them to go to Yellowstone to study the bears.

Finally, their request was granted, and they immediately flew to Yellowstone. They reported to the ranger station and were told that it was the grizzly mating season and it was too dangerous to go out and study the animals. They pleaded that this was their only chance, and finally the ranger relented.

The Russian and the Czech were given portable phones and told to report in every day. For several days they called in, and then nothing was heard from the two scientists. The rangers mounted a search party & found the camp completely ravaged, with no sign of the missing men.

Following the trails of a male and a female bear, they finally caught up with the female. Fearing an international incident, they decided they must kill the animal to find out if she had eaten the scientist.
They killed the female and opened the stomach to find the remains of the Russian scientist.

One ranger turned to the other and said, "You know what this means, don't you?"
The other ranger nodded and responded......

"I guess it means the Czech is in the male."
Nein heer du smign. ah open up the nine im heer du shmine
MonkeyInBlack
MonkeyInBlack
Quote:
Original post by boolean
From Ebaums world:

Bill worked in a pickle factory. He had been employed there for a number of years when he came home one day to confess to his wife that he had a terrible compulsion. He had an urge to stick his penis into the pickle slicer. His wife suggested that he should see a sex therapist to talk about it, but Bill said he would be too embarrassed. He vowed to overcome the compulsion on his own.

One day a few weeks later, Bill came home. His wife could see at once that something was seriously wrong. "What's wrong, Bill?" she asked. "Do you remember that I told you how I had this tremendous urge to put my penis into the pickle slicer?" "Oh, Bill, you didn't." "Yes, I did." "My God, Bill, what happened?" "I got fired." "No, Bill. I mean, what happened with the pickle slicer?" "Oh... she got fired too."


That one cracked me up [smile]

Could someone explain me the joke in the one Boris Karloffs ? I don't get it [sad]
uavfun
uavfun
Say the last line out loud
stormrunner
stormrunner
@MonkeyInBlack - the phrase
Quote:
"I guess it means the Czech is in the male."
sounds suspiciously like
Quote:
"I guess it means the check is in the mail."
stormrunner
Funkymunky
Funkymunky
what did the mexican say when the house fell on him?

...

"get off me holmes"

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