Another Modest Proposal

* I doubt if anyone will take the time to read my whole proposal but I think you should * _______________________________________________________________ It has come to mind as my speculation that overpopulation is an increasing as well as soon to be devastating problem our world must take on. Having calculated the toll of our oncoming increase in numbers, the earth will find itself barren and dead within the next few years. These problems have plagued my troubled mind for longer than I remember and I feel that I now have come to a suitable resolve. Being an expert in this field, I see no better a man to find a solution. My first instincts led me to the belief that placing birth control into the majority of the world’s water supply would do the job fittingly. By charging families outrageous amounts of money, the future economy would be ready to build upon as the population decreases. The larger part of the earth, having no choice but to drink the tainted liquid would quickly become infertile. Without means of reproduction, most of the population would die off, leaving the wealthier class to find a way to rebuild the society. My reasoning is that the wealthy families could afford to live off of the purified water, just long enough for the poor to die off and the earth to replenish it’s cleaner water. At first sight my plan seemed well built but its many flaws have surfaced and I see were I went wrong. I have come to the conclusion that as a result of the tainted water, Jack-in-the Box employees will begin to mutate due to the large amounts they will consume. As everyone knows, Jack-in-the Box employees drink far more tap water than the rest of us. Jack, the supreme leader of the mutants will no doubt splice his genes with those of Adolph Hitler and lead a rebellion against the wealthy survivors and their commander, William Gates. My personal psychic whom I speak to regularly, has informed me that should Bill Gates and a Jack-in-the Box/ Hitler mutation go to war, the results would be nothing short of disastrous. She also said something like, “Get the hell out of my shop before I call the police you Freak!” (I think she was having a bad day…) Seeing as mass birth control couldn’t possibly work, I have come to a quite reasonable and educated decision: Nuke this bastard planet, for I am the cockroach king! Hahahaha!!! As you all may know, roaches have the ability to survive nuclear radiation. We are the super race! Follow me and I shall grant thee mercy in the coming days!! Sincerely, The Cockroach King ------------------------

Eat your babies... before the bears do.