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My Relationship Problem.

Started by Cibressus Sep 10, 2005 at 6:58 PM 13 replies 1.4k views

Original Post

120

Sep 10, 2005 at 6:58 PM

If you know me IRL please don't tell her I posted this, it would really complicate things. Well, I've been "going out" with this girl for the past 5/6 months. The reason going out is in quotes because I have only ever gone out with her once. About 2 weeks after we started going out, she said that we could'nt any more because her father didn't like me. This absolutely devastated me, and as Coldacid can atest, i was quite disturbed by it. she never actually said she didnt like me. about a week later she said she wanted to go out. We went to a movie and had a really nice time. three days later she said she could'nt go out with me because her father didnt like me. she alternated between liking me and not liking me every three weeks. sense school started the problem has really escalated because I've been seeing her everyday. My problem is, I think she treats me badly. Please, tell me if I'm wrong here. Every time she wants to get together again, she simply expects me to welcome her with open arms. Although I do, she doesn't have any regret. She never hugs me or initiates anything, every time I hug her, i don't actually know if she'll be receptive or just stand their. She tells me it would make her happy if we could go out, but every time I try and look for something positive about how her father might like me more, she quickly refutes it and tells me it's completely wrong. And to top it off she keeps me guess about how she feels about me. The most I know is that it would make her happy if we went out. Below are my expectations from a relationship, please tell me if their unreasonable. -If you don't want to go out with me, tell me so instead of hiding behind your parents -hug me every now or then or at least tell me you love me, don't keep me guessing -stop telling me how much better your past boyfriends were then me, I'm trying my best. is she treating me badly? are my expectations unreasonable?

jfclavette

138

jfclavette

Sep 10, 2005 at 7:06 PM

Uh, yeah, she is. Kick her in the face.

I AM serious.

Just tell her that you expect those 3 points, she'll have to act on it or let it go. Wathever she does, remember that you didn't loose anything.

Drazgal

Sep 10, 2005 at 7:06 PM

Sounds like a standard case of "girl using boy to avoid feeling loney etc." ofcourse as only you (and the poepl you know in rl, which I assume must come here, hence your warning) actually know the full story it would be kinda har dfor anyone here to make a fair and proper judgement. Though from what you have written your friendship/relationship with this girl doesn't seem worth it to me.

Hedos

113

Hedos

Sep 10, 2005 at 7:10 PM

Be honest with her, talk about it.
Communication is the key.

Max_Payne

Sep 10, 2005 at 7:12 PM

Drop that relationship. She's clearly too immature.

Don't take it bad, but if she doesn't ever tell you she loves you, then I regret to tell you that it's most likely because she doesn't really love you. She's using you as a convenience. The fact that she's refusing to let you get closer to her family just shows further that she doesn't really want to give you a place in her life.

In my opinion, in a healthy relationship, both members should be treated equally. You're offering her your love, and she's offering you some random opportunities to go out. That's not really fair.

nes8bit

PRO

612

nes8bit

Sep 10, 2005 at 7:13 PM

Quote:
Original post by Cibressus
If you know me IRL please don't tell her I posted this, it would really complicate things.

Digging your own grave ehh?

Benjamin Heath

157

Benjamin Heath

Sep 10, 2005 at 7:15 PM

Well, I'm sorry to hear it. I can't say anything about this girl, but I tend to believe that if you want it to work and it isn't, it's generally best to let things cool off. (I'm open to opposing viewpoints on this.) It might be some months before you two are okay, and you might be happier with someone else. It's up to you.

slack

Sep 10, 2005 at 7:23 PM

Yeah, she treats you like crap. She doesn't respect you and it sounds like you haven't given her any reason to. She can be a bitch all she wants and you'll take it. Get rid of this girl. When she comes crawling back, tell her you're done for good and stick with it.

I know a guy in a similar situation. He's the bitch in the relationship and lets his girl walk all over him. It's amazing that nothing ever changes despite the abuse he takes and the all the advice he gets. Don't be that guy.

And be careful if she's doing the warm/cold thing. That can be a sign of psychological problems that you don't want to deal with.

nprz

Sep 10, 2005 at 7:36 PM

I had communication problems with a past girlfriend and she also didn't show her emotions very well. I felt better when I broke up with her. Her parents didn't like me very much, and that didn't make anything easier.

xanin

Sep 10, 2005 at 8:07 PM

She treats you like crap, tell her so and tell her to come back when she grows up.

stylin

Sep 10, 2005 at 8:12 PM

Quote:
Original post by Cibressus
My problem is, I think she treats me badly. Please, tell me if I'm wrong here. Every time she wants to get together again, she simply expects me to welcome her with open arms. Although I do, she doesn't have any regret. She never hugs me or initiates anything, every time I hug her, i don't actually know if she'll be receptive or just stand their.

What does 'get together' mean: holding hands, going out to a movie, sleeping with each other, going 'steady' ... ? You may be misinterpreting what she says and does, and therefore getting the wrong idea about her.

Quote:
She tells me it would make her happy if we could go out, but every time I try and look for something positive about how her father might like me more, she quickly refutes it and tells me it's completely wrong. And to top it off she keeps me guess about how she feels about me. The most I know is that it would make her happy if we went out.

Again, does going out mean a date, or actually seeing each other as boyfriend/girlfriend? If you've only ever gone out on a couple dates in 5/6 months, I personally wouldn't call that "going out", with or without quotes.

Quote:
Below are my expectations from a relationship, please tell me if their unreasonable.
-If you don't want to go out with me, tell me so instead of hiding behind your parents

This is exactly what you want to tell her, in clear, direct english. However, you must be sure her idea of going out is the same as yours. Don't accuse someone of leading you on without sorting out your own feelings first.

Quote:
-hug me every now or then or at least tell me you love me, don't keep me guessing

Don't expect hugging, and never expect love. Everybody shows emotion differently. Besides, you don't want people saying the L word just to appease you - that's a recipe for a BAD time ahead ... (unless love means nothing to you, in which case it would be fine).

Quote:
-stop telling me how much better your past boyfriends were then me, I'm trying my best.

If a girl ever starting saying this kind of stuff to me, I'd break it off immediately, no questions, no regrets. The bitch would definitely not be hearing from me again.

Is this high school ... ? Life's short bro, especially these years. What do you want to remember about your experience the most?

cyric74

Sep 10, 2005 at 9:25 PM

Quote:
My problem is, I think she treats me badly. Please, tell me if I'm wrong here.

You already know how she treats you; you don't need our approval. More than anything, women respect a man who can stand up for themselves with confidence. There is nothing chicks hate more than a guy who they can walk all over. You can basically count on being treated badly the second they know that you're too shy, too unsure, or too timid.

Quote:
-stop telling me how much better your past boyfriends were then me, I'm trying my best.

You must be young, or just have really bad self esteem. If anyone I was dating even hinted at something like this seriously (and are you sure she wasn't just teasing?), it would be the last time we ever spoke.

To all the young guys out there: Doesn't matter if you're overweight, too skinny, or think you're unattractive. Decent women don't really care about that; it is totally about how you project yourself with confidence. If a chick doesn't dig you, don't sweat it. Even though they may have seemed like the love of your life, you'd be surprised how quickly you will find someone else who is *SO* much better for you.

Don't marry the first chick you have sex with, either. :D

stylin

Sep 10, 2005 at 9:33 PM

Quote:
Original post by cyric74
You can basically count on being treated badly the second they know that you're too shy, too unsure, or too timid.

This is a bad generalization. Contrary to popular (male) belief, women aren't all the same. Alot of women love these types of men (for various reasons) but don't necessarily treat them badly.