Original Post
Found this online somewhere, kinda amusing:
Don''t eat quiche. ''Real programmers'' don''t even know how to spell Quiche. They like Twinkies, Coke and palate-scorching Szechwan food.
Don''t write applications programs. They program right down to the bare metal. Applications programs are for dullards who can''t do systems programming.
Don''t write specs. Users should be grateful for whatever they get. They are lucky to get any program at all.
Don''t comment their code. If it was hard to write, it should be hard to understand and even harder to modify.
Don''t pollute their code with documentation, variable dictionaries, structure and other such impurities. Documentation is for simpletons who can''t read listings or the object code from the dump.
Don''t draw flowcharts. Flowcharts are, after all, the illiterate''s form of documentation. Cavemen drew flowcharts; look how much it did for them.
Don''t read manuals. Reliance on a reference is a hallmark of the novice and the coward.
Don''t use Cobol. Cobol is for wimpy applications programmers.
Don''t use Fortran. Fortran is for wimpy engineers who wear white socks, pipe stress freaks, and crystallography weenies. They get excited over finite state analysis and nuclear reactor simulation.
Don''t use PL/I. PL/I is for insecure momma''s boys who can''t choose between Cobol and Fortran.
Don''t use BASIC. In fact, no programmers use BASIC after reaching puberty.
Don''t use APL, unless the whole program can be written on one line.
Don''t use LISP. Only effeminate programmers use more parentheses than actual code.
Don''t use Pascal, Bliss, ADA or any of those sissy-pinko computer science languages. Strong typing is a crutch for people with weak memories.
Never work from 9 to 5. If any real programmer is around at 9 a.m., it''s because they were up all night.
Don''t play tennis or any other sport which requires a change of clothes. Mountain climbing is OK, and real programmers often wear climbing boots to work in case a mountain should suddenly spring up in the middle of the machine room.
Disdain structured programming. Structured programming is for compulsive, prematurely toilet-trained neurotics who wear neckties and carefully line up sharpened pencils on an otherwise cluttered desk.
Don''t like the team programming concept. Unless, of course, they are the Chief Programmer.
Have no use for managers. Managers are a necessary evil. Managers are for dealing with personnel bozos, bean counters, senior programmers and other mental defectives.
Scorn floating point arithmetic. The decimal point was invented for pansy bedwetters who are unable to "think big."
Don''t drive clapped-out Mavericks. They prefer BMWs, Lincolns or pick-up trucks with floor shifts. Fast motorcycles are highly regarded.
Don''t believe in schedules. Planners make up schedules. Managers "firm up" schedules. Frightened coders strive to meet schedules. Real programmers ignore schedules.
Like vending machine popcorn. Coders pop it in the microwave oven. Real programmers use the heat given off by the CPU. They can tell what job is running just by listening to the rate of popping.
Know every nuance of every instruction and use them all in every real program. Puppy architectures won''t allow execute instructions to address another execute instruction as the target instruction. Real programmers despise such petty restrictions.
Don''t bring bag lunches to work. If the vending machine sells it, they eat it. If the vending machine doesn''t sell it, they don''t eat it. Vending machines don''t sell quiche.
