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you are a crazy teacher:

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Original post by aeleneski
I am currently writing something and I was looking for some outside comments on my work besides people close to me, for you know that they may not tell the truth. Here is the address to go. Thanks. Please leave any comments on the board or email me.

Check this out

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I didn''t get a chance to read it indepth, but I did glance over the entirity of it. I want to really read it before I make any comments. To qualify myself to give constructive criticism (not to brag), I studied Literary Criticism in college, published several short stories, edited two novels for publication, and am due to publish my first novel in the spring of next year. I''ll read it tonight and post comments/suggestions.

- James

Your grammar is quite often wrong.

The very first thing I noticed is that you seem to use the word ''even'' a little too often. In one of the first paragraphes, you use it 4 times. I don''t know if it is accepted use in english, (english is not my native language) but in french, using the same word or expression more than twice in a paragraph, or more than 4 times for each 1000 words is bad unless it''s a very common word (such as ''the'', ''a'', ''an'') or it''s related to the main subject.

To be brutally honest the whole text is about nothing, nothing at all, it''s like you''re trying to dupe as many people as possible into reading complete and utter drivel. I only skimmed it so I''m OK.

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From "The Beekeper" intro:
I am looking to see what other people think of my writing style and how they like what I write so all comments would be greatly appreciated.

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Punctuation. The preceding in a run-on sentence, and should have a comma before the "so". The first fragment sets up the reason (why you want comments) for the second (the fact that you want comments), with "so" serving as the connector. Reading it straight through is like talking breathlessly.

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I am basically looking to see if I write well and interestingly enough to eventually become a writer.

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Unintuitive construction. The way "interestingly" is used is sufficiently unusual to create a cognitive spasm the first time through the sentence. Revising the piece to something like "I am basically looking to see if my writing is good and interesting enough..." allows for it to be processed straight through. Unless you are toying with grammatical forms or doing characterization, more comprehensible structure is always preferable.

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This book that I am working on is organized that there will be 7 chapters.

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While actually correct, the use of "that" to indicate logical persuance is fairly rare, and generally reserved for "that that" situations where the former (persuant) "that" can be contracted into the latter, eg "She said that that was hers" is often contracted in writing into "she said that was hers" because seeing two lexically identical terms always creates the suspicion of a typo.

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Each fraction, Chapter 1/7, sets up the environment and gives information for following chapters.

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I think you intended to write "chapters 1 - 7" or "chapters 1 to 7". 1/7 is a single irrational number and thus can not define a sequence.

The overall presentation of the material, unfinished as it is, is also confusing. You start with "Chapter 1/7", followed by Chapters "1", "2/7" and "2". What''s with the fractional chapters? Are those simply indexing notes/devices you use while writing? If so, you should indicate that to persons reading your draft. Besides, the fact that they contain what seems like content that fits in with the rest of the work makes it all the more confusing...

I haven''t read the rest, but I hope my comments have been helpful. Good luck!