Two dumb jokes

Q. How do you unload a truck full of dead babies?

A designer doesnt need to know everything about code, they just have to have an appreciation for its limitations and how those limitations affect features they may wish to include in their design. - Drew

with a fork lift

Q. What do you call a blonde with 2 braincells?

pregnant.

and I heard the first one as being "a fork" period

Q Whats the difference btwn a train conductor and a teacher?

A- On minds the trains and the other trains the mind.

Q-Why was the egyptian boy crying ?

A-Because his Daddy was a mummy.

If I had my way , life would be just fine , but the world is too much and it makes be cry .Sometimes I feel like grieving , but I must be wise , because Time is not on my side.

And now it''s time for...... REALLY CRAP JOKES!!!!
Q: What''s the difference between a piolet and a baker?
A: One flys planes, the other bakes bread!

Q: What did the farmer say to the cow on top of the barn?
A: Get off!

Thank you, thankyou......

OK, here comes a long list.If you're too bored to read all of them, read the bold ones at least.



Q: How many Conservative economists does it take to change a lightbulb ?
A: None. The invisible hand does it.
A: None. "There is no need to change the lightbulb. All the conditions for illumination are in place. Recent surveys show growing confidence in the lightbulb lighting up again."
A: None, because, look! It's getting brighter! It's definitely getting brighter !!!





Q: How many conservatives does it take to change a light bulb?
A: One; after reflecting in the twilight on the merit of the previous bulb.






Q: How many believable, competent, "just right for the job" presidential candidates does it take to change a lightbulb ?
A: It's going to be a dark 4 years, isn't it?



Q: How many Republicans does it take to screw in a light bulb?
A: None, they only screw the poor.



Q: How many Reagans does it take to change a light bulb?
A: What light bulb?




Q: How many bureaucrats does it take to screw in a light bulb?
A: Two. One to assure everyone that everything possible is being done while the other screws the bulb into the water faucet.




Q: How many people with multiple personality disorder does it take to screw in a light bulb?
A: One, but they're really three.



Q: How many science fiction writers does it take to change a lightbulb?
A: Two, but it's actually the same person doing it. He went back in time and met himself in the doorway and then the first one sat on the other one's shoulder so that they were able to reach it. Then a major time paradox occurred and the entire room, lightbulb, changer and all was blown out of existence. They co-existed in a parallel universe, though.





Q: How many cats does it takes to screw in a light bulb?
A: You can throw away your light bulbs. Just douse the cat with gasoline, light it up with a match, and you'll have all the light you need.




Q: How many Englishmen does it take to screw in a light bulb?
A: What do you mean change it? It's a perfectly good bloody bulb! We have had it for a thousand years and it has worked just *fine*.



Q: How many Germans does it take to screw in a light bulb?
A: Ve are asking ze qvestions here!



Q: How many pessimists does it take to screw in a light bulb?
A: None, it's a waste of time because the new bulb probably won't work either.






Q: How many C++ programmers does it take to change a light bulb?
A: You're still thinking procedurally. A properly designed light bulb object would inherit a change method from a generic light bulb class, so all you'd have to do is send a light bulb change message.


Q: How many Bill Gates' does it take to change a lightbulb ?
A: None. He simply declares darkness to be the new standard.



A: One.
Q: How many psychics does it take to change a lightbulb ?




Q: How many nihilists does it take to change a light bulb?
A: There is nothing to change.


Q: How many Zen masters does it take to screw in a light bulb?
A: A tree in a golden forest.


Q: How many Roman Catholics does it take to screw in a light bulb?
A: They don't. It's been like that for 2000 years and there's no precedent for lightbulb changing.


Q: How many Christians does it take to change a light bulb?
A: Three, but they're really only one.


Q: How many Christian fundamentalists does it take to change a light bulb?
A: None. The Bible doesn't mention light bulbs.


Q: How many junkies does it take to screw in a light bulb?
A: Oh wow, is it like dark, man?



Q: "How many Romulans does it take to screw in a light bulb?"
A: "151, one to screw the light-bulb in, and 150 to self-destruct the ship out of disgrace."

Q: How many Klingons does it take to change a lightbulb?
A: Two, one to screw in the bulb and another to shoot him and take the credit.
A: None. Klingons aren't afraid of the dark.


Q: What do they do with the dead bulb?
A: Execute it for failure.


Q: What do they do with the Klingon who replaces the bulb?
A: Execute him for cowardice.




Q: How many Vulcans does it take to change a light bulb?
A: "Approximately 1.00000000000000000000000"

Q: How many Borg will it take to change a light bulb?
A: None, they just assimilate the bulb.
A: All of them.


Q: How many quantum mechanicians does it take to change a light bulb?
A: They can't. If they know where the socket is, they cannot locate the new bulb.

















Edited by - runemaster on January 6, 2001 9:01:45 AM

Q: How many lawyers does it take to change a light bulb?
A: Whereas the party of the first part, also known as "Lawyer", and the
party of the second part, also known as "Light Bulb", do hereby and forthwith
agree to a transaction wherein the party of the second part shall be removed
from the current position as a result of failure to perform previously agreed
upon duties, i.e., the lighting, elucidation, and otherwise illumination of
the area ranging from the front (north) door, through the entryway, terminating
at an area just inside the primary living area, demarcated by the beginning of
the carpet, any spillover illumination being at the option of the party of the
second part and not required by the aforementioned agreement between the
parties.
The aforementioned removal transaction shall include, but not be
limited to, the following. The party of the first part shall, with or without
elevation at his option, by means of a chair, stepstool, ladder or any other
means of elevation, grasp the party of the second part and rotate the party
of the second part in a counter-clockwise direction, this point being tendered
non-negotiable. Upon reaching a point where the party of the second part
becomes fully detached from the receptacle, the party of the first part shall
have the option of disposing of the party of the second part in a manner
consistent with all relevant and applicable local, state and federal statutes.
Once separation and disposal have been achieved, the party of the first part
shall have the option of beginning installation. Aforesaid installation shall
occur in a manner consistent with the reverse of the procedures described in
step one of this self-same document, being careful to note that the rotation
should occur in a clockwise direction, this point also being non-negotiable.
The above described steps may be performed, at the option of the party of the
first part, by any or all agents authorized by him, the objective being to
produce the most possible revenue for the Partnership.


Gyzmo
=======================
Meddle not in the affairs of dragons for you are crunchy and go well with toast.

My brother came up with this when he was 3:

Knock knock
Who''s there?
Windmill
Windmill who?
Windmill cabbage.
 

He then went about laughing for the next half hour and spilled his drink onto the tablecloth.


How many clueless newbies does it take to change a lightbulb?
They can''t. All they do is say they have the new 200 watt bulbs which are far better than the old ones, stupid, and will be brighter than the sun and much better than yours and then proceed to leave the old bulb in the socket and complain when you refuse to help them.

---

''Smile, things could get worse.''
So I smiled, and they did.

sharewaregames.20m.com

lol !

quote:

---

Original post by runemaster
Q: How many Republicans does it take to screw in a light bulb?
A: None, they only screw the poor.

---

LOL!


I just know I''m gonna catch hell for this...

Q. How many programmers does it take to change a light bulb?
A. None, its a hardware problem!!

G Coates
-------------------------------------------


Windows: The only virus with a GUI!

How many teachers does it take to screw in a light bulb?
None, they only screw your chances for life.

How many reality TV announcers does it take to change a light bulb?
Tonight, on "When Lightbulbs Attack"

How many marketing people does it take to change a lightbulb in the Hylix offices?
We have offices? Umm... we shoot the marketing people before they get close to ANYTHING that has the slightest remote chance of affecting our service...

How many Battle.net servers does it take to change a lightbulb?
"Servers down"

How many Napster users does it take to change a lightbulb?
Only one, but they get to 98% screwed in before they smash the bulb with a sledgehammer.

How many Mac users does it take to change a lightbulb?
They don''t, they light the existing bulb on fire and watch it burn for approximately 0.00000001 seconds before fading away.

How many Otaku does it take to change a lightbulb?
6. One to change the lightbulb, one to draw the scene happening, 2 to argue about which anime about lightbulbs was best, and the other 2 to lean menacingly against the wall and make comments in a foreign language.

Wow, ALL of those jokes sucked. I''d like to apologize in advance for these horrid, horrid "jokes".

///
Quotes said around the hylix office:
Well then, that was screwed.
By the way, how much are we running at again? Nothing?
And the trained monkey presses the button and gets a banana. But what he doesn''t know is that it''s a Microsoft banana. What a bitter pill, er, banana, to swallow.
If you''re telling me I have no budget for my project AGAIN this month, I''m sticking your hamster in the microwave! Wait, you don''t have a hamster. Quick! I need a new evil plan!

Quotes from #gamedev:
So, "flame thrower" Smurf? - TANSTAAFL
you''ll need a nuclear slide rule and a nuclear boxed lunch - SteelGolem

quote:

---

Original post by carwars


How many Battle.net servers does it take to change a lightbulb?
"Servers down"

How many Napster users does it take to change a lightbulb?
Only one, but they get to 98% screwed in before they smash the bulb with a sledgehammer.

---

LOL !!!!!!!!!


Acronia : Secrets of Magic
"Maybe this world is another planet''s hell." -Aldous Huxley
"Damn, and I thought you were a cannibal..." -Selkrank, to dwarfsoft

quote:

---

Original post by gavco98



Windows: The only virus with a GUI!

---

Hmm...wasn''t the original of that one: ''UNIX, the only virus with a UI''?

Q: How many irish men does it to screw in a light bulb?


A: None, wife doesn''t need the fRiggin light to make me a fRiggi'' dinneR.


Time comes, time goes and I only am.

quote:

---

How many Battle.net servers does it take to change a lightbulb?
"Servers down"

---

hahaha! its SO true

Q: Why did the dead baby cross the road?
A: Because it was stapled to the chicken!

Q: Whats Irish and stays outside all the time, even in the rain?
A: Paddy O''Furniture

Q: How many punks does it take to screw in a lightbulb?
A: Three. One to smash it for being so bright, and the other two to call him a sellout.

Wo0t!

===============================================
If there is a witness to my little life,
To my tiny throes and struggles,
He sees a fool;
And it is not fine for gods to menace fools.

Guy1: So, did you hear that the Energizer Bunny was arrested?
Guy2: No, really? What for?
Guy1: He was CHARGED with BATTERY. Wo0t!

===============================================
If there is a witness to my little life,
To my tiny throes and struggles,
He sees a fool;
And it is not fine for gods to menace fools.

quote:

---

My brother came up with this when he was 3:

Knock knock
Who''s there?
Windmill
Windmill who?
Windmill cabbage.

---

*snicker*... *snicker*...... AHAHHAHAHAHAHAHHAHAH...

...

Two peanuts were walking down the street.
One was ASSAULTED.


- G o B l i N