Any Love Shy folks on here?

I don't think I fall into the love-shy catagory. I've had girlfriends constantly for the last 3 years until about 4 months ago. Since then I've sworn off girls completely. The beneifts are great. Someone to talk to, someone to share expireces with, someone that you can be intimate with, but breakup after breakup has caullused me. I need a break.

One day I starting being celibate. So far it's going really well. I finally found something I'm good at. [smile]

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Original post by Greatwolf There's probably a whole bunch of us here that has trouble meeting women and getting a gf judging from all the date seeking advice threads that's popped up in the past. So how many of us here actually fall into this stereotypical category?

Me, probably.

Not I.

Very interesting.

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In males of all ages from kindergarten through all the years of adulthood, in contrast, shyness is widely viewed as very deviant and highly unde- sirable. Moreover, shyness in males inspires bullying, hazing, dispar- aging labeling, discrimination, etc.

I've been generally pissed off for the past 15 years because our society requires that men be the assertive one in relationships, we have to initiate conversations and start the courting rituals. It's always seemed amazingly unfair to me. And now this academic person proves it!

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A seldom mentioned factor which I believe serves to increase the shyness (and diminish the self-confidence) of young men as compared to that of young women is the fact that women do the lion's share of the rejecting in male/female relationships. Within marriage, 90 percent of all divorces are sought by wives and not by husbands. And among courting couples at least two-thirds of all of the break*ups which occur are precipitated by the female partner, not by the male

So women are teh 3V1|_ !!!!11

Edit;

OMG this is awesome;

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It is also important to note that even normally adjusted young men experience significantly fewer serious man/woman relationships before marriage than (even very average) young women do. And I think this too bespeaks some of the serious shortcomings in contemporary court- ship norms. Human beings do not like to be rejected. It can be extremely painful when a person is rejected by an opposite-sexed stranger upon asking for a date. And it can be profoundly devastating to the emotions when a man is rejected by a woman with whom he has maintained a relationship over several months or longer. Why does the American culture persist in requiring the male (not the female) to withstand the lion's share of such emotional devastation?! I would suggest that the severe emotional scars endemic in severe and intractable love-shyness very often reflect a history of such rejection. In essence, the risk-taking involved in starting new relationships must be shared equally by women and men alike.

wow, that last paragraph... wow.

First read this. It makes you understand why people do the things they do.
Then read this little piece of advice. Trust me, it'll seem familiar.
Do yourself a favor and read this mailbag.
Then be smart and subscribe to his mailbag and get his e-book.

Nice link Shai. I think the deification of logic among programmers is responsible for a lot of difficulties when it comes to actually learning to relate to people. People are the most illogical, nondeterministic things there are.

That's what makes them wonderful.

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"I've been around, and I've never seen any girl bullied the way boys are bullied. Why shouldn't I be envious when all through life l've seen males required to take all kinds of abuse just because they are males. Girls are treated in a far more humane way by everybody. Parents don't beat girls the way they do boys. At school it's always the boys who are getting it from the teachers. And the worst cruelty of all is what you have to take from people who should be your buddies." (19-year old love-shy man.)

Girls are worse to eachother than guys are. Rather than physical beating, girls do a lot of verbal stuff, backstabbing, and revenge.
I was never "getting it" from my teachers at school and I'm a shy guy.

I guess I just picked the wrong women to go after until halfway through college. Then I found girls that liked shy guys. I am no longer love-shy [lol].

Shai -

The thing that bothers me about that book and others like is the fact anyone can learn to manipulate people toward their own ends, but that's all it is, manipulation. Learning to manipulate people doesn't address the real issue.

I read a book similar to that when I was in my teens and put the process to work. It was succesful. I had lots of friends and everyone liked me, but I realized I still didn't particularly care for these people, I still didn't have any REAL friends, I still felt like I had no one who understood me or even gave a damn if I lived or died.

So what's the real issue then? The book the op linked would have us think it's a basic inequity in the courtship ritual of our society.

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Original post by Programmer One Not I.

So P1, how many ladies did you ball last night?

Teach me your studly skills.

that may be, but - and this is a big one - you are not gonna solve this inequity in your lifetime. No one said life was fair.

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Original post by Shai that may be, but - and this is a big one - you are not gonna solve this inequity in your lifetime. No one said life was fair.

I totally agree. There's probably a good argument that it's not really an 'inequity' at all; the author does focus on males, what about females, homosexuals, transgender people etc...

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Original post by Shai First read this. It makes you understand why people do the things they do. Then read this little piece of advice. Trust me, it'll seem familiar. Do yourself a favor and read this mailbag. Then be smart and subscribe to his mailbag and get his e-book.

Yup, I already went through his material before already. Should probably have made a link to that on my original post. It does seem to work for me but I find it kind of difficult to maintain the type of persona that he's suggesting. Specifically, I'm not a spontaneous type of person. And I still have trouble going out and just going up to any woman and just start conversing with them.

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Original post by jsgcdude the author does focus on males, what about females, homosexuals, transgender people etc...

Well the author did mention that this type of behavior is the most prominent and most debilitating amoungs the heterosexual male population. And the book was published 18 years ago so some of the stuff might be a bit dated but a lot of it still seems to hold true.

Yup, that's me but I'm too busy anyways.

Well for those of us that fit this profile I would highly recommend you take a read at it when you have time. I personally found it to be profoundly insightful and what it says about me that I haven't even really considered before.

Am I love shy if I hate people?

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Original post by mittens Am I love shy if I hate people?

No, but it does make you a good candidate for a doctor.

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Original post by jsgcdude Quote: Original post by Shai that may be, but - and this is a big one - you are not gonna solve this inequity in your lifetime. No one said life was fair. I totally agree. There's probably a good argument that it's not really an 'inequity' at all; the author does focus on males, what about females, homosexuals, transgender people etc...

Loveshyness only typically effects heterosexual males. Because of defined roles in society, extremely introverted shy females and gay men can count on being approached by people who are attracted to them. Heterosexual men however are expected to make any approaches and the first move and so those who are too shy to do so may never engage in a intimate relation with a female.

lol