Hello, if you're reading this than I would like to take the time to thank you for reading through what will be quite a number of my own issues. My name is Tom and currently my dream is to get into the game industry and design games.

My post will be split up into three sections, each that I'll try to keep short, but I may ramble on in the effort to try and describe the issues to how I feel fully describe them. Simply put, the issues I would like help with are:
* Where can I find the resources to learn?
* Where can I find the places to practice or put to use what I learn?
* How do I stay motivated and push past my mental blockades?

Where can I find the resources to learn?

This one is likely the easiest as the internet exists and there is a book, video, tutorial or blog for most anything. I've already made some efforts in this area, having bought some books like “A Theory of Fun for Game Design” and “Complete Kobold Guide to Game Design”, along with a couple others, and I've been told that listening to GDC talks helps, but something closer to helping a beginner is closer to what I am looking for.

Effectively, if you know of any sites, channels, or anything you think can help, please feel free to list them. Even guidance would be a great help.

Where can I find the places to practice or put to use what I learn?

From what I heard, “Game Jams” are one of the best ways to accrue experience, but from the two I had the pleasure to participate in, I always wound up feeling like the weakest link and shoe horned into graphic assets. Which while certainly not bad, I don't exactly think that's what I'm exactly looking for.
I think what most here might suggest, which I picked up from “Basics of Game Design” by Michael Moore, whose last name will continue to remind me of my old Middle School bully, is that of design documents.

A fair bit of what I've heard is that Game Designers are quite document heavy, doing a lot of writing to encompass their ideas, along with organizing and sorting out all the details needed for the rest of the groups involved.

That is what I assume to be where I can put most of my time in trying to practice and put into practice the things I learn, but if there are different outlets, different ways, or something else in general, I welcome your advice and direction.

How do I stay motivated and push past my mental blockades?

Unfortunately I think that this is one my greatest difficulties and likely the one that is holding me up far more than the other two sections of this post. It's one thing to not know where to look, or not know how to practice, but it's entirely different to be unable to start in the first place.

Since well, always, I've always had the issue of wanting to have fun. Which by far sounds like the perfect motivation to be a game designer, at least in my eyes. The desire to have fun and for others to share in that fun. This by far has always what has defined me as a person for a long time. But within there lies the problem.

I like to have fun. I don't like to not have fun. If something isn't fun, I'll go do something that is fun.

It's this attitude that led to poor grades in middle, high school, and two failed semesters in College before I gave up on that. I can't wrench myself away from playing the games I enjoy. I can't tear myself away from talking with friends when I should be going to bed. I can't even write this post without constantly tabbing out to watch a damned video in another tab every now and then.

I bring this up because that's my greatest struggle. I put short term pleasure over long term rewards. I tried to learn C#, went about a week before I took one day's break and then was unable to convince myself to get back to learning it. I'm unsure if I'm just defeatist, or if it's some level of low self esteem that convinces me to stop putting in the effort to put time to learning anything, hell, let alone learning the thing that I had moved out of my parent's house at the age of 19 telling myself that I'd make a name for myself without College.

The only good thing to have come out of my year away from home is the small experience I've gotten from being a QA Tester, but I don't want to simply stay that way forever. If you have any advice towards, well, any of the mess that is the above, I fully welcome that in particular.

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Well, you've managed to reach it to the bottom. Thank you once again for taking the time for reading this and help out some stupid kid who's up at 3:00 AM in the morning writing a post that might be better suited for a therapist than here. I hope that anyone is able to help, and if not, I hope at the very least that you'll have a good day.

@Tom Sloper Hello fellow Tom,

Thank you for the links, I've given them all a read and I've a few questions, or to use your own words, maybe they're just wishes with a question mark.

In terms of personality type, I seem to be an INFP-T, at least according to free-personality test I found online. Even if it was just 5 bucks, I'm currently inbetween Contracts and spending any money, even on food, leaves me feeling anxious. If you think the test is really worth the 5 bucks, I'll go back and run through it to get as accurate a sense on myself as I can.

That aside, if we go exactly off said Personality Type, maybe it seems that being a Writer is far more fitting for someone of my type, which I'm not entirely opposed to. I've always been a reader, and while it's amateur writing for sure, I'm a consistent Roleplayer online in several communities, so making characters, creating stories, it certainly holds my attention. Do you think that just off the bat that I should instead focus that direction instead?

Hypothetically, let's say the answer to that is No. That if game design is something that truly holds my attention, that I should hold my course and continue with it. Although I was aware of the role that a Designer had before reading your articles, I'm firmly more grounded in what it all entails now. While amateur like before, I had the pleasure to join some friends in a short-lived attempt at making a game. It didn't go anywhere fast, but my role, aside from being shoved into art assets, was taking all the ideas and concepts we were coming up with and writing them down in a google docs. Looking back, it's a mess of a file, but in your eyes, is that similar to the job of a designer, or is that more a Lead/Supervisor role of a team?

And yes, I'm more than aware that college is recommended for this field. Perhaps this is truly something in which I just need to bite the bullet on. In the case that I do end up heading back to give it a third go, I'd want to see if you've any advice on avoiding some of the reasons I failed both my previous semesters badly.
1) I consistently fall asleep in class. Even with 8 hours of sleep, the boredom I feel more than often leads to heavy eyelids. Maybe it's time I finally get with the rest of the cool kids and start IV dripping coffee into my veins, but do you know anything to help with this?
2) Daydreaming. Likely the same issue as above, I often start thinking and playing with ideas more than I should be engaging and interacting with the class itself. Be it doodling, writing down game ideas, stories, what I should've said in an argument, etc, Focus is not a strong suit. I'm not ADD/ADHD or anything of the sort, it's just that those ideas always tend to be funner than paying attention. Is there help for this, or is it just something I need to bite the bullet and just overcome?

Lastly, let's say that even with the advice above, College still remains a non-option. I'd ask you for as real an opinion as I can get, be it rude or even dream shattering. I left home to get a foot in the game industry and try to work my way up while using my off-time to learn more about game design. So, give it to me straight. Do you think this is realistic? That if I were to apply the same level of commitment to something like College, but to this, that I could find success in this alternative route?

Once again, thank you very much for the help. Words can not describe how grateful I am even for the smallest bit of guidance, even a reality check if need be.

@Tom Sloper

Yeah, that's about what I thought I'd hear, and the last part is the same as in your article. Thank you for help, I appreciate it. That'll be something for me to think on.

@swiftcoder

I was tested as a child, for both autism and ADHD, but I wasn't diagnosed with either. If we're going off of the personality test thing, it doesn't seem outlier for a Mediator type personality to have something like this problem, but I dunno if that's confirmation bias or not.